Raised by Wolves

I am a strong believer in the fact that a childhood forever affects the person you ultimately become. Memories of traumatic events replay like a skipping record in your mind. Many people turn to alcohol or drugs to drown their sorrows and try to forget. My drug of choice was porn. It was an escape. I have tried to trace back the catalyst to my addiction over the years. When I was nine years old I was sexually molested. This incident set off a chain reaction in my life like a cigarette in a forest fire. Around the same time is when I was first exposed to porn. I could go on blaming my struggles on someone else but ultimately I am responsible for me reactions. I've known many people that like to play the blame game. "I smoke crack because of my fatherless upbringing." " I'm a prostitute because my mom never loved me." These are very real situations that people live through.

We are ultimately responsible for our actions. God doesn't look away from your sin because of the painful memory. He doesn't allow sin because of sin. In my head I can go on justifying my addiction. I had this traumatic event in my life, therefore God will overlook my sins. This is a dangerous mindset for anyone to have. It causes a complacent life and a pushover mentality. We can't allow these events to define our future. Dwelling on the past will develop like a cancer in your heart. The only true way to move on is dealing with your past and forgiving the wrong doer. (Matthew 6:15)

I have allowed myself to be overtaken by my past on multiple occasions. I beat myself to a bloody pulp thinking about what I've done. What I finally realized is that I wasn't sinless before this point in my life. We are all born into sin. In my youth I lied and hated. I sometimes I think back to this event as my fall from grace. What I failed to realize is that the fall from Grace happened in the garden of eden well before my birth. I beat myself up because I felt perfect before this event. I felt as though this event stole my innocence. The fact is I was broken from the start. I will never will be perfect. I struggled through failure after failure and thought I was beyond God's grace. My multitude of sin separated me from having a relationship with him and a relationship with the ones I love. I kept trying to fix myself before I repented. This always left me cold and alone. I finally decided to come to God as I was. This changed my life. I found out that he loved me despite my addictions or failures.

God's love expands inside and in between my failures. He catches me when I fall even though I don't always trust him to. I have forgiven the person involved in this event in my life. This has allowed me to move forward but not forget. I struggle daily with this and need prayer daily. Blaming your struggles on your past doesn't hide your sin. You are responsible for your sin in the eyes of God. The only way your forgiven isn't by not failing, its by falling on Jesus.




 

Ungodly Monsters

           
                        "Proximity to power deludes some into thinking they wield it."
                                                                             -Francis Underwood (House of Cards)                                                                                                                                                                          
     Have you ever felt far from God? Overwhelmed by guilt and a sense of separation. On the other hand, have you felt closer to God? You felt in tune with God's radio station and obedient to every letter of scripture. One day you're on the highest mountain and the next you're in the darkest valley. This is the picture I had of church. Either you're a spotless Christian or a sinning "back-slider." This is the way of thinking that has left me beaten and broken more times that I care to admit.  How much sin would it take to go from Christian to "back-slider?"  Could an abundant amount of failure separate me from God forever? Is it really "Once save, always saved?" These questions rocked me to my core.

"Back-slider" is a term popularized by mainstream Christian folk. The definition pertained to the state of one's relationship with Jesus. It operates under the assumption that you are sliding away something rather than towards something. It means that you were moving closer to God, but now you're moving away from him. This is a demeaning term used to describe people who have experienced failure. It may have been the child out of wedlock or the porn addiction. In either one of these situations, it's not the failure that determines the state of you're relationship with God. The factor that determines the state of the relationship is the need to struggle. The need to carry on with the relationship despite your failure. The struggle separates the defeated from the victorious. I've found this train of thought to be revolutionary to my relationship with Jesus. The truth that the validity of my relationship with Jesus didn't rest on my failure, but his victory. I can beat myself up daily or I can rest assured that his Grace is more than the sum of my failure. Therefore, I don't believe that the term "Back-slider" is an adequate way to describe the abundance of someone's failures.

Have you ever been labelled a sinner? An ungodly monster or even an infidel? All of these can be used to describe the human race. Whether you are part of a church or never stepped foot into a congregation. If someone has ever said that their not a sinner then they are making God out to be a liar. Everyone under the sun has sinned and having faith in Jesus can't change that. Even after entering into a relationship with Jesus you will still sin daily. Therefore, our feeble attempts to live according to God's word  have to be met with God's Grace. God's grace is made perfect in our weakness. God knows that we are weak, that's why he sent Jesus. Jesus came to make a way for sinners like me to enter into a relationship with God. I can try all I want to live according to God's word, but the only thing that allows me to go to heaven is Jesus.

Lack of sin or godly living won't matter without Jesus. Jesus is the only reason we get to walk with God. "Back-sliders" and sinners will inherit God's kingdom through Jesus. You can live your life as a Pharisee in private or a sinner out in the open. Either way you choose won't change the fact that as humans we fail. Whether you hide it or not, everyone is united by this. Labelling people outside of your belief system won't exempt you from the same judgement they will face one day.  It only serves as a grisly reminder that the reason that so many churches lose people is themselves.

Ecotone

                                   



                                         Ecotone  - an area of transition between two biomes.                                              

                            Death is so final.  Whenever someone dies we always think back to the last time that you spoke to them. You wish you had visited more and you wish you were allowed more time. We live in a fantasy world sometimes. We always say to ourselves that tomorrow will be another opportunity to spend time with a family member or friend. What if tomorrow never arrives? No more stories of the "good ol' days." No more time to hear their voice or hear their laugh. In these times or pain we tend to reflect on own life and how we spend our time. In this year alone I have lost my grandmother, followed  soon after by my grandfather. Both of these people have had a positive influence despite their enormous differences.                                                                                                                                                    

                         When I ponder the last time a saw my grandfather alive I think of one statement that he uttered. It saddened me and made me reflect on my own life. "Why am I in so much pain? I thought that I've lived a good life." I didn't know how to respond to such a question. Now that he is gone I am left to ponder this statement until I am dead. Why would God allow him to suffer in his final days on earth? I'm not expressing my anger towards God, I'm simply stating that I have no concrete way to answer it. I don't know why God would allow him to suffer through so much pain. All that I know for sure is that God's understanding of this world surpasses my comprehension. I have to take hold of the promise that God's will is perfect and just.                                                                                            

                             When someone passes away there are many things people say to comfort you. "I'm praying for you." "If you need anything just call me." In times of deep pain and loss these statements are meant to comfort the person in the midst of loss. I appreciate anyone who takes time to actively try to comfort me in this difficult time. It serves of a reminder of the family and friends I'm surrounded with. In times like this I find that it helps to be around close friends and family, if only to reflect the past and ponder the future. I know that death has always made me wonder what's next for me. God alone knows the amount of time I have left. The only thing I have control of is what the dash on my tombstone represents.  How did I spend this space in between these dates? I can only hope for enough time to love and laugh for years to come.                                                                                                                                    

                               The last time I saw my grandmother alive she was barely breathing on a bed inside a hospice facility. As soon as I walked in she stepped out. I saw her a few moments before she passed and she seemed to be at peace. Surrounded by her loved ones and being comforted by a caring staff of nurses. I don't believe she suffered, but I do know that I did. She was the kindest soul I have ever met. Each visit always beginning and ending with a hug and a goodbye. I felt that no matter how old she got she looked forward to what lied ahead. I was recently sitting down for dinner at my grandmothers house (AD) and my wife pointed out something peculiar.  My grandmother's calendar was still placed in the month of February. She passed away on febuary 27th, just shy of March. The lesson I have learned by this is that sometimes we get bogged down in the monotony of life. We are quick to assume that we will be alive the next day or month to "flip the calendar over." We truly never know when our river of hours will run dry.                                                                                                          
                                       An ecotone is what I believe earth to be. A transitional phase between two stages of life. Birth and death  serve as mere milestones to a never ending story.  In the midst of pain we have to cling to the truth that this is momentary. We're only here for a short time compared to forever. When we realize that the people we have lost didn't die it's a little easier to make sense of it all. They didn't die an eternal death, they simply crossed from the ecotone to their final destination. When we think of their deaths, it's a call to a carpe diem mindset. As Andy from the Shawshank Redemption puts it, "Get busy living or get busy dying."

Porn-Again Christian

        I cannot recall the first moment I entered the world of pornography. A world where every girl wanted you and obeyed your every command. The rush to my brain was like a shot of heroine through my veins. Every click on the computer mouse drove me deeper into counterfeit ecstasy. For a long time I felt as though I was the only man who has struggled with porn. What I discovered is that not only was I not the only man, but millions of men (and women) are addicted to porn across the country. Ten billion is spent on pornography yearly in America. That's more than the combined revenue of pro football, basketball and baseball combined. It isn't just in the "secular" community either. Five out of ten men in church admit to struggling with porn. I'll be the first to admit that porn isn't the easiest topic to discuss. Talking about porn will blush cheeks and make conservatives squirm. Even though It's tough, I believe it's a secret that needs to be brought from your computer room and into the light.

                   What is porn? I believe that Porn and can be defined along with the definition of lust. Anything that triggers a sexual desire. An image doesn't have to contain nudity to be porn. There isn't a difference between soft core and hardcore porn in the realm of lust. Anything that causes you to fantasize anything sexual is porn. From playboy to sports illustrated. Even movies, music videos and TV shows that cause you to think impure thoughts. There isn't a "better" version of porn to watch. It's all equally degrading to women and damaging to a persons mind. Porn is an inescapable cornerstone of society. From youth you are told that porn is a part of "growing up."  And to a certain extent they are right. Everyone at one point or another has struggled with porn. Whether its a book that causes to struggle or a magazine article. It all can be labelled porn if it causes you to stumble. What we see in porn is a highly stylized veil that hides an awful truth.

                 When we watch porn, we are seeing what the camera wants us to see. The sad truth is what we're not seeing. Stories of women abused, raped and enslaved fill the news. Sex trafficking is on the rise and porn is to thank. Women will wear a smile for the camera and hide the true nature of their situation. This is the reason that porn is so addictive. Women of porn are always ready and willing to "fulfil" your every need. No need for romance or true love. Women are portrayed as pounds of flesh with the sole purpose of sexual gratification. They are devoid of value and purpose. They are alive only to please your whims. This is an extremely volatile property of porn. You can be a God and rule over these women. They will never say no. And no matter how hard you try to quit porn on your own, neither can you. Accountability and community are curse words in the world of porn.  "Keep your Dirty Little Secret to yourselves. Put on a smile at church and act like you have it all together." This mindset is a cancer that will eat you from within. Transparency is essential to victory in this area. This is ultimately a battle for your soul.

                   This battle can be found in the Story of Hosea and Gomer. It helps paint the picture of our struggle from the view of God. God tells Hosea to marry a prostitute and he obeys. She runs away countless times and even has to be purchased back at one point. This is the picture we paint when we indulge in our addictions. We play the prostitute giving ourselves away.  We wander away from God's purpose for us when we sit behind our computer. In the end we had to be purchased back in Jesus' blood. (1 Corinthians 6:20) Jesus didn't die for us to spend our days invested into porn with our pants around our ankles. He died for us to have a real relationship with God and for us to have real relationships with people. Porn isn't an interactive industry. They allow you to have an imaginary encounters with the promise of satisfaction. They only provide instant gratification with a momentary sense of fulfilment. Porn is just another plug for the God-shaped hole in your heart.

               This post is a call to action. We need to start living out in the open. Real relationships may be harder than porn but they are infinitely more satisfying. This is God's true purpose for our lives. Loving Him and loving people. Don't rely on your own will power to beat your addiction. Instead, rely on God's river of Grace and accountability. This will undoubtedly be one of the most difficult processes in your life. Its not the struggle that is the issue, its when you stop struggling. We have to choose who we will serve. Ourselves in the world of porn, or face the reality of serving a real God. Which master will you serve?

P.S. www.xxxchurch.com is a great website with endless resources.
P.S.S. (@learninhowtodie) On twitter. Follow for news on future posts.
               

Happiness is a warm gun

                        The world is full of people seeking happiness. Dating sites, self-help books and religions promise eternal bliss. The desire for happiness determines what jobs we take and how we spend our time.  What I have found in my pursuit of happiness is that it never ends. I am constantly wrapped in the mindset that whatever move I make in the chess match of life has to ultimately lead to my happiness. I took the job I have now to make money and eventually buy a house with a white picket fence. I have bought into the theme of Star Trek to," Live long an prosper." This is the American dream. The constitution is built around the pursuit of happiness, and it's what our lives are built upon. Hoping for a like or a re-tweet. Is this all we are meant for? Are we destined to spend our momentary life pursuing a monetary happiness?  This premise has filled many pews in the country. "If you trust God, he will bless his children with financial freedom and the success life you have only seen in movies." This cannot be the meaning of life. This cannot be our only purpose in life. This cannot be the reason God created us and sent his only son to die for us. If we say that our purpose is this, then Jesus died in vain.                                                                                  
                         

                        This country is filled with pastors and preachers promising that God has destined us for success. "Total victory." I have found myself watching these preachers on television and realizing that I'm not worshipping the same God. Why would God allow me to be broken beyond compare. Why would he allow my car to break down? Why would he let my life fall in around me? They promise that God intends his creation to be happy and free from burden and worry. "This is the reason that Jesus came to die. To free us from struggle and suffering." This isn't the Gospel. This is a watered down plastic view of the cross. It's a commercialized money maker for the pastor. "Accept Jesus, he will grant you rings on your fingers and clothes on your back." The real joy and satisfaction in life isn't from the material "blessings" of God. God is the true blessing. We should delight in the Lord alone. When we demand these gifts from God, it's idolatry. We should be thanking God for one more day on earth to serve him. Happy Just to be alive; Being a child of a powerful, loving father.
                                           
                            The Christian life has always been marked by suffering. The shortest and most profound verse in the bible is "Jesus wept." (John 11:35) Jesus (being fully God) has felt sadness.  He was weeping over a friend he had lost to a sickness.(Lazarus) Jesus felt unhappiness. After this he was beaten and crucified by the people he came to save. Suffering an unbearable pain that left him broken and betrayed.  Jesus never allowed his desire for happiness to dictate his life. He knew that the cup couldn't be passed from him.(Luke 22:42) He knew that his death would be filled with deafening pain. He chose to live in God's will instead of his own happiness. It would have been easier to live the rest of his days on earth preaching to his twelve fisherman.

                                    It was ultimately Jesus' decision to deny himself and choose God's destiny over his happiness. This is what will lead to our infinite happiness. The real question we have to ask is: Are we willing to delight in the lord? God says he will give us the desires of our heart.(Psalm 37:4) What are the desires of our heart? Do we desire for our happiness or his will? We don't have to feel that his will means our unhappiness. His will leads to lasting joy. No one has a greater joy than a slave that has been set free. God died to free us from ourselves. He set us free from Sin and Guilt. He didn't die for our financial gain or our momentary gain. He died so that we may have eternal joy and everlasting love. We have to rest on the promise that this life is a momentary affliction. (2 Corinthians 4:17)

P.S. Be Happy-http://youtu.be/xj0fOvlyv9U
P.S.S. @learninhowtodie on twitter.
P.S.S.S. I love you all!
P.S.S.S.S. Thanks to AMC and Vince Gilligan for such and amazing photo of Heisenberg.
 

Doubt

                                   

   

“Tell people there's an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure.” 

                                                                                  -George Carlin

                             

                                 

                              Doubt is a normal part of life. We are taught from a young age that God exist. When we grow older and escape our church bubble we encounter people who have different beliefs than we do. This can cause us to reflect on our own upbringing and lessons we were taught growing up. What if their beliefs are right? If God is all-powerful, why can't he stop evil? Why would a loving God send his creation to eternal darkness? These questions have been plaguing me for years. I have recently begun the process of seeking the truth. I have finally overcame the fear that seeking the truth would lead me away from the God of the bible. When I began to seek truth it lead me straight to him. The hardest questions for me weren't regarding his existence but his nature.

                            Many ponder the question,"If God is all-powerful, why doesn't he stop evil?"  By definition evil is anything morally bad or wrong. If we stop to take a look at the scriptures we begin to see that evil is not only ,"Out in the world", it's in the mirror. If you have ever lied, glanced at a woman lustfully, or even thought of being with a woman other than your wife, it's sin. In the perfect and holy eyes of God sin and evil are one in the same. By making this connection we step back and realize that we should be eliminated. In other words, at what level of evil do you want God to stop allowing? If we say that evil should be stopped, we can't pick and choose what "evil" acts to stop. Do we stop the murder or the hate?  We have to be consistent in gauging what is evil and what is righteous.  Sin (evil) is rebellion against God.(Romans 8:7) So every sin we have ever committed is evil according to God's judgement. We are all evil by God's definition. (Romans 3:23) I agree wholeheartedly that we deserve separation from God eternally along with the rapist and murderer. The only way we are not evil is through our redemption through Jesus. He is the only being that can bridge the gap between our own sinfulness and God's righteousness.

                           Another question that I've spent countless moments on is,"Why would a "loving" God send his creation to hell?" I've received this objection to the Christian faith on multiple occasions. I'll start by saying that God created free will. (Proverbs 16:9) God's knowledge of our choice before our choosing doesn't mean he sends us to hell. It simply means that God is all-knowing and he knew what our free will choice would be. God knew our fall was going to happen. This changed the way I believe In a big way. I'll try to explain this in an illustration. A car is passing a cow and headed to a bend on a narrow country road. The bend prevents the car from seeing a semi making it's way into the opposite side of the bend.  The car is driving into a crash. One more player in this illustration is the helicopter in the clouds. The helicopter can see the cow, the car and the semi. The helicopter's knowledge of the inevitable crash doesn't make him guilty of the crash. It just means the helicopter has a wider scope than the car's limited line of vision. Like the car, our vision of our future is extremely limited. We like to put God in our fleeting, finite box of the present. What we fail to realize is that God's vision of time transcends our  understanding.(Isaiah 40:28)  We try to make our own way when God has already laid out a path leading to him. (Proverbs 16:9)

                     One very prevalent belief that I've recently begun examining is the idea of relativism. Relativism basically means that truth is relative. Whatever truth you have found is true to you. Whatever truth I have found is true to me. This feels warm and fuzzy on the surface. Everyone gets a golden ticket to a dance party on golden clouds. Even though it feels great, it has gaping holes in It's own logic. For example:What if my truth says that your truth is wrong? My truth says that Jesus is the only way. (John 14:6) How can this truth be right when other religions (Or "truths") say differently. Two absolute truths relevant to the salvation of man can't exist simultaneously. Another popular belief that fits in the category of relativism is the belief that there's no way to know what's absolute truth. With this very statement we already find a lack of logic. You just claimed an absolute truth saying that there is no truth. The only viable option in this time of doubt is that there is absolute truth and that Jesus is that absolute truth. I won't argue in this post on why I believe every other "religion" is wrong and polluted with false doctrine. I'm simply attempting to lay to rest questions that have caused me to look at the nature of my God in a new way.

                     I believe that doubting is healthy. It has only strengthened my relationship with God. When I began this journey for truth I believed that I would find myself in a place of logic separate from anything spiritual. What I came to realize is that God created logic for his glory. Every road apart from his narrow country road is filled with holes in logic. If you have fear that seeking out truth will lead you from God, that is called doubt. Countless people doubted in the bible and we are still doubting today. If you have any questions about the bible or the nature of God feel free to leave them in the comments. Or if you are wanting to be more private don't hesitate to shoot me a message or come talk to me in person. I am confident not only in my logic but the one who created logic.


P.S. Carm.org is a fantastic website.
P.S.S. http://youtu.be/Sw_8o85lFxA
P.S.S.S.Thanks to the Gospel Coalition for the great picture (http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/tgc/files/2012/01/Doubt.png)

Fifty Shades Of God

         

                                       

                                Sex is everywhere. Everyday there is a new nip-slip, crotch shot or sex tape. As a culture we have become saturated and engulfed in sex in every sense of the word. Marriages and friendships ruined over lust and the secret lives we create on the internet. Through all of this what we fail to realize is that God created sex. God created marriage first, and right after he created sex. The problem isn't with sex, the problem is the timing of our sexual desires. As soon as you are young enough to click a mouse or pick up a remote control the would of porn is at your fingertips. What makes lust and sexual sin such an engrossing addiction? Are we made to pursue every desire if we "feel" that it's natural?

                                     God is the author of sex. In the early part of Genesis he became the first father to give his daughter away in marriage. (Genesis 2:24) This verse also contains the first sexual encounter. It says, "The two became one flesh." They were first married, then they spiritually and physically become one flesh. I believe God created the framework for a healthy sexual relationship. The reason porn and fornication are so damaging is laid out here in Genesis. To have a healthy sex life, you first need to become one flesh emotionally, spiritually and then physically. The act of sex is an expression of a deep longing between two lovers who have already became emotionally invested into their partner. Porn steals this idea and skips straight for the physical. You can't have the physical alone without the emotional investment that goes along with sex.

                                  Did you know that there is an entire book in the bible dedicated to sex? Song of Songs (Or Song Of Solomon) tells the story of two lovers through desire, courtship and ultimately consummation. It speaks of their desire to be with each other emotionally and physically in the first half of the book, then their marriage and consummation. As I have said there is a right order to sexuality that has to take place before a healthy sexual relationship can be obtained. "I adjure you O daughters of Jerusalem, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases." (Song of Solomon 8:4) In other words, its healthy to have sexual desire, but it needs to be "awakened" at the right time and context. Directly after this verse in the bible, they become married and consummate the marriage. Fulfilling God's desire for us to have sex in the context of marriage and not before.

                                  God designed sex to prevent sin, not to cause it. In fact, God demands we have more sex to prevent sexual immorality (1 Corinthians 7:5). Sex outside of marriage is clearly laid out biblical to be a wrecker of lives and kingdoms (David). In the context of marriage though it is deeply encouraged. Sex isn't the evil, sinful act many people believe.It just has to be in the right context of first becoming emotionally and spiritually invested in marriage to you're beloved then ultimately consummated. In other words this post is an encouragement to romance and "awaken" each others love in the house of marriage. Its a call to walk against the trend of porn and lust to a brighter and holier calling of a healthy sexual relationship.


P.S.Thanks for the great picture! (http://stevecha.net/ask-steve-marital-relations-in-song-of-solomon/)
P.S.S. For updates on future posts follow me on twitter (@learninhowtodie)

Castin' Stones

                                          "Cum dilectione hominum et odio vitiorum"
                                                      
                                                                       - St. Augustine

                                             
                                                 The above quote is a popular christian mantra we love to use in the christian church to describe our relationship with the world of sinners outside our church walls. The quote roughly translates to,"With love for mankind and hatred of sins."  In the south we just say, "Love the sinner, hate the sin." I totally agree with this quote in principle but its rarely adequately lived out. We often point out sinners with "heavier" sins than ours. The bible says we have all sinned and fall short of the glory of God.(Romans 8:23) In other words, we can point to other people that have sinned but the one thing we usually don't do is look in the mirror at our own sins. One group of people that receive a great deal of abuse and scrutiny from the church is the "LGBT" community. 
                                          
                                                  The purpose of this blog is not to argue what may or may not be sinful because sometimes I don't know the sin in my own mirror. The purpose for this post is to say that as the church we often give our mirror to other "sinners" and fail to take a glance into it ourselves. The "LGBT" community is a popular and often misunderstood group of people. I have personally been among this particular group of people and I've never found a group closer to Jesus. They really get this whole "Love the sinner, hate the sin" mantra. My only experiences with this community has been met with unbridled  love and true acceptance. They don't care where you come from or what kind of past you have, they just love.  We want to call them "sinners" but we fail to realize that if we are human, then we are in the same boat going over a waterfall. As the bible says we have all sinned and fall short of God's glory. The verse goes on to say that we have redemption through Jesus's blood on the cross.(Romans 8:24-26)

                                               I've said all this to simply say that we have all sinned and we can all have redemption. Sin is what truly creates equality. We all equally fall short of the perfect glory of God. We are all equally engulfed in our own total depravity. The only way we are all equally saved is through the totally undeserved gift of Jesus's blood. The best way I can put it is that no matter your lifestyle or creed, we are all equally undeserving of God's holy and glorious Love. Sin has left us all dead but Jesus died to raise us all up from our own grave. (Ephesians 2:1-10)

                                      I know we weren't put on earth just for pointing fingers. I believe that we were placed on earth to love God and love people. (Matthew 22:37-40) Love can't be contained into a box of fear and misunderstanding.  Love is unbridled and without limit in its rawest form. (1 John 4:18) Let us all walk in love and the notion that we are equally unworthy. Lets love without condition and watch God move like he has wanted to all along.

P.S. Thank you for the artwork! ( http://www.whatisblik.com/customize/manifest-equality/)
P.S.S. Thank you to everyone who spends their valuable time reading my little blog.
P.S.S.S. For notifications on future post follow me on twitter (@learninhowtodie)

Blood on our hand's

                                                Your eyes are closed when you're praying
                                                You sing right along with the band
                                                You shine up your shoes for services
                                                There's blood on your hands

                                                                              -Jon Forman


                                I can still feel the eyes of the Pharisees in the pews; Staring and watching my every waking movement. My appearance may be the reason for the stares. I am a bearded, tattooed and homeless looking man. I wasn't dressed in a suit or tie. I was wearing a comfortable combination of my usual jeans and t-shirt. My shirt at the time had the statement,"Jesus Loves Porn Stars" on the front. I had a small bible that happened to be a different translation than KJV, and it finally hit me. I was a different breed from this particular farm of people. I had tattoos down my arms and no sense of  proper "church" etiquette or manners. The encounters I experienced in this small congregation forever shaped the way I view people of my faith. 

                           Words that enter the world from our mouth carry an enormous amount of weight. The bible says that the words we say need to build up in grace, not destroy.(Ephesians 4:29) I was chatting with a woman I have only known shortly and the subject of what I believe came up. I told her my theological thoughts on ghosts, heaven, hell and more. She looked at me with a serious face and heavy heart and said,"A Christian in my life said that she saw the devil in me. Ever since then I have excepted that I am going to hell no matter what." This shook me to my core. How could this have happened?  As people made in the image of God we do a inadequate of showing his grace. We wreck and ruin the image of the blood soaked cross when we choose to damn people instead of love them. The bible says that we can do lots of work for God's glory but if we don't do this in the spirit of love we are as useful as a loud drum cymbal being hit until our eardrums refuse to function.(1 Corinthians 13) We can say that God died for the particular person that you are speaking to but if our actions are not purely out of love but of a religious practice; Then we are wasting our breath. The bible goes on to say that if we do not love, we do not know because God is love. Love should be in every word we say and every action we do.

                           Another occasion that comes to mind in my interaction with religious folk is another one that affected me personally. Me and a close relative were leaving a store and I saw someone I knew from my time at another church I had attended. I kindly uttered the word, "hi" and no response came back. I was completely ignored by a brother in Christ and I didn't know what to do. I told me relative what had happened and he said,"That's the reason I don't go to church."  What the religious people I mentioned in my opening thoughts don't realize is that they are the reason their church is dying. I genuinely think that a vast percentage of non-believers would come to know the God we trust in if we were the image bearers we are supposed to be. We can stand in the pulpit, sit in the pews, and drink of the communion grape juice every single week of our lives until we die and it wouldn't have an impact in the vast scheme of things. The place to truly experience God is in the trenches. God is in the slums and in the houses of the broken hearted. These people don't need religion, they need a real relationship with the God who loves them more than anything we can comprehend. Religion is a path to a certain death and its easy to fall into the comfortable. If it's comfortable, it's not worthy of the short time we have left on this planet.

                            In closing I want to say that we as sinners all have blood on our hands. What we can't do is put on a show and pretend that our lies are a little less evil than anything "other" people can do. Sins are equal in their ability to send us to the same place no matter the sin we have chosen to commit. We need to start living in love and making amends to people we may have hurt with our words of hate and religion.


P.S. Check out my sisters Blog currently on the same subject as this post. Her experiences are more in depth than mine so they are definitely worthy of you're time. (www.mire2lotus.wordpress.com)
P.S.S.http://youtu.be/6uE1l75aiZc
P.S.S.S.@learninhowtodie on twitter. God Bless!

The Great Pretender

                     "My need is such, I pretend too much"


                                           -Freddie Mercury


                              One thing in my life is more certain than the sunset or moon rise. That thing is I am a sinner. I'm an imperfect, lustful monster. I've cheated, lied and destroyed people and things I love. I have hurt people and hurt myself more times than I can count. One thing I could never figure out is why people utter the words, "You're a great guy" to me. I've never seen myself as a good guy. I wondered why they saw a lie and I saw my true self.  I came to realize that I love to act. I love putting on a show in front of the general public. I like to pull the masquerade mask over myself and apply the plastic smile to never reveal the wolf underneath. Pretending is my true talent. I have grown fond of my sheep skin clothing, and I have never wanted to show anyone my true identity. This has, and will always lead to my imminent destruction.

                            One thing I can say for sure is when sin takes over it feels natural.  As Paul writes in Romans," For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate."(Romans 7:15-16)  In my lust and lies I truly know that I need to do the right thing. Even though I need and want to run from the sin I hate; I keep doing the same thing. Sometimes we can feel like we're in an infinite spin cycle and there isn't a way to escape. Then I read further in Romans. "It is no longer I who does the thing I hate but the sin that dwells within me. For I know nothing good dwells in me." This is the way I (and maybe some of you) feel. You know that nothing good dwells in you and you feel defeated. Death is your flesh's main objective. Paul goes on to say,"Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?"(Romans 7:24)

                           The very next chapter in Romans changes tone in a significant way. Paul goes from the realization of his defeat to sin, to talks of a way to beat the flesh. Paul is absolutely right when he says there is nothing good that dwells in him. I feel like Paul much of the time. I desire to do what is the will of God, but I do the very thing I hate. The only way to defeat the flesh, is by the Holy spirit dwelling in our very core. Before Jesus died he promised that even though he was ascending to the heavens, he would send a helper to guide our path.(John 14:16-17) Jesus describes the "helper" as a spirit of truth whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees him nor knows him. I have said that when I do what my flesh wants to do it feels natural. It's natural for your human body to desire lust and need instant gratification.In these situations I have to daily cling to the truth versus what I feel. The laws of God are a stone that I hold to in the darkest situations. What I feel is natural but what I am really seeking is the supernatural.

                        All humans have a secret. The secrets can range from thing of a sinful nature or small insignificant habits. The psalmist wrote,"You have set out iniquities before you, our secret sins in the light of you're presence."(Psalm 90:8) We want to look into the camera of our latest "Selfie" and pretend that we have our life all together. When the psalmist wrote this verse he knew it was truth. The truth is that mine and your secret sins are already known to God, and they will always be brought into his light. Before you can ever take off your mask he sees through it and he still loves us. (Romans 5:8) If you decide to take off your mask along with me there is promise of healing. (James 5:16) Coming out of our deepest, darkest palaces of secret sin begins to feel like a great weight has been lifted from your back. There is freedom, and power in the blood of Christ. If you decide to be open, and a little less plastic in your life;God will reward you in grace, and deeper relationships with your brothers and sisters. So, here I am. The mask is lifted and I am a sinnner in an ocean of his grace. My secret sins increased in size, but none of my sins are too big not to be swallowed in a great wave of his love.

P.S. Here a song to set the mood of this post: http://youtu.be/mLRjFWDGs1g
P.S.S. God Love You!
P.S.S. Does anyone read these?
P.S.S.S.Twitter:@leaninhowtodie
P.S.S.S.S.If you like the mask in the picture:http://www.dhgate.com/store/product/2013-masquerade-colorful-plated-handmake/163129520.html

Torn

                                     
                    "If Grace Is An Ocean We're All Sinking."

                                                     -John Mark McMillan

                                                    I remember the exact place I was when I received Jesus into my life. My grandparents had taken me to a funeral service of someone I've never met and still don't the name of. The preacher who was officiating over the service ended by talking about things I've heard before. " We have salvation through Jesus." "If you haven't received him today, there isn't a better time." When I recited the prayer in that chapel I honestly didn't understand the gift I have received. The word grace was rarely used in front of me, and even more rare the word salvation. The feeling I felt after reciting that simple prayer was new to me. I said to myself, "I'm forgiven?" I mean as a kid what do I need to be forgiven for? I never killed anyone or took drugs. Maybe I had lied a few times but I was a good kid. Its these thoughts in my adolescence that reflect our sinful nature and how far away we are from perfection. We can think we aren't "That Bad." We can look ourselves in the mirror and honestly say ,"I'm a great person." The next question after these statements would be, "Why do I need God?"

                                                     What we fail to realize is that God created us. When God created us he also created a set of standards to live by. God says, "You can eat from any tree you desire, but not the tree of good and evil, it will kill you."(Gen. 2:18) By making this statement God put in place a freedom, and opportunity to choose him instead of monetary pleasure. He gave us freedom in that we could partake in any fruit tree on earth but not this one tree. By restricting us from this one tree God wasn't trying to be a power hungry, greedy being. This wasn't God's tree that would pleasure you more than anything on earth. The reason God commanded that Adam or Eve not partake of the tree was that God wanted them to choose their creator over his creation. God wanted us so deeply to choose him over a fruit tree. I think this picture that has been there from the beginning paints the entire human race in a stain that can never be erased by our own doing. Instead of choosing God, Eve chose to partake of the fruit. By doing this, she chose the creation over the creator. All this is to say that we can say we are a nice person and that we are good to people. What we fail to realize is that we were born into a sinner's world. A world of death and idolatry. As God said from the beginning,"It will kill you." In sin there is only death. When we choose to love something instead of God we sin. Can you begin to count how many times we have chose instant gratification over eternal joy and intimacy with God.

                                                  Whenever Eve was tempted by the enemy of God, she believed his lies just like we do everyday. "He said you will die? "He knows you will be fine, he just doesn't want you to be like him."(Gen.3:4) When he says this to her, she begins to look at the tree with lust and she rationalizes away the her conviction to not eat the fruit. Whenever she begins to eat the fruit she also gives Adam some to partake of. When they take their first bites of the fruit it doesn't take long for God to notice there actions. The bible says he came into the garden and saw them partaking of the fruit. Something that has eternal ramifications has happened. After God came to see them, they realized the trap they had fallen into and felt shame. The tried to hide from God. How many times have we tried to hide our sin from God? How many times have we felt shame after we have failed? After they tried to hide from God;God called out for them saying, "Where are you?" This action from his first son and daughter hurt God so much. He loved us so much, and we decided not to choose his love.

                                                Ever since that day in Eden we have been separated from God. When I first heard of our separation of God I wondered, "Why can't God just forgive us and be done with it." I believe God can't forgive us because that would be going back on his own rules when he said not to partake of the tree. God's standards aren't there to send us to hell but to set us free. God's standards are perfect and therefore he is perfect. If he went back on his standards to allow us entry into his kingdom on our own works he would cease to be Perfect. As you may or not know the story of God and man doesn't end in the garden of Eden.

                                              Thousands of years after that day in Eden, God decided to put a plan in place that would change the course of history. In Genesis he said that partaking of the tree (or sin) would kill us. By saying this he said that sin will always lead to death. So God's plan was to send his only son to conquer death. His son came to earth and lived a perfect and sinless life. His son's name is Jesus. Jesus lived the life that God has intended for us to live. Even though Jesus lived perfect and never sinned, he died the death that we deserved. God loved us so much that he would send his only son to die a gruesome death that was meant for us so that we may have Grace. By Jesus taking on death he removed our separation from our Father. The bible says as soon as Jesus died the veil in the temple was torn from top to bottom.(Matt.27:51) This veil was sixty feet high ad thirty feet wide. This veil symbolized our separation from God, and when Jesus died it was ripped into two pieces symbolizing the abolishment of our separation. Before his death Jesus said that he would die, and be buried. The next part to his statement is the reason we have Grace at all. He also said that after three days he would rise from his tomb. By doing this he conquered death and the grave. Sin was crushed along with the grave so we could be free from the grips of our own nature.

                                             God invented and perfected grace. Grace is the promise of forgiveness no matter what you have done or where you have found yourself. The bible says when sin increases grace increases even more.(Rom. 5:20) Because of this grace we can be reunited in a relationship with our lover, God. You're loved more than you know and desired more than you can comprehend. God has overthrown the king of lies and his kingdom. This is not to say that we can keep sinning and know that its covered in Grace. Grace is a gift and we should show our gratitude by chasing perfection, and relying on grace to cover our short comings. If you are reading this and you haven't received this gift of life, read John 3:16 and feel free to shoot me an email or tweet at me and I would be happy to talk you through anything you would need. I want to close with a quote that is both poetic and a truth. "The beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair."-Relient K

P.S. This is my email-learninhowtodie@gmail.com
        This is my twitter-@learninhowtodie
P.S.S. These are the songs I quoted from,God Bless!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lvz0J0WBZPE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KW7CD29V4tU
P.S.S. Thank you M. Hogan for the wonderful painting.

                                           

                                               

                     
                                                                 

Everybody wants to go to heaven but nobody wants to die

                                              
                                          One of the absolute truths on this earth is that everyone, everywhere dies. When the loss of someone you love hits you like a thunder storm in the night, you can look up and curse the sky that sent the rain; But it will still rain all the same. The lightning and thunder will put you on your knees, the feeling of pain seems to grow in each passing moment. When the pain of loss send you to your knees, something changes. When you are left face down in the mud and mire, You can hear a voice whisper, "I Love You, and I'm here to hold you through this." God says this to every living creature no matter how loud the storm and no matter how hard the rain. The writer of the psalms speaks this truth when he wrote, "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." (Psalm 34:18)

                                           I can still remember the sound the time clock made when it was time to go into the night;on my way to see my grandmother for the last time. When I arrived I went straight into the room  of my "nanny's" final moments. As soon as I closed the door behind me, she breathed her last breath of oxygen into her lungs. The loss of her didn't sink into my soul until days later when her grave was covered in dirt. I knew for the first time that it was the last I would see her on earth. This feeling of loss sunk into my heart like a razor sharp knife, cutting everything it touched. I wondered like David, "Is God Asleep?."(Psalm 44:23)

                                          Everyone mourns in different ways. Some get angry, and some slip into a darkness where they feel no light can penetrate. What we fail to realize is that the point in the night that is most dark is just before the sun breaks the darkness. Getting to our knees in our brokenness will bring comfort in our lowest point. God hasn't fell asleep at all, he is waiting to hold your heart and comfort the storm inside you. In this time of need there will without a doubt forces that cause you to question God's will and sovereignty. God knew you before your birth, and knows the exact day you will come home. God's will and plan is beyond our comprehension but perfect nonetheless.        
                                                       

                                               When we lose someone it reminds us that our picture of forever is frail at best.  We want people, places and moments to last forever. In death we're reminded how everything is fleeting in this life and every moment counts. The reason we're here on earth in the first place is to love and serve. So I propose that in times of loss we look not up but in the middle of heaven and earth and love the people that need love the most. I want to close with a simple, and powerful quote from a tv series I have grown fond of. The quote sums up what God put us here for and makes a statement of the way we should treat everyone. Everyone will die, but its these times that remind us to never take one single interaction for granted. "Kindness is Magic." -Derek Noakes.

P.S. Thank you Ricky Gervais  for the inspiration and quotes.
P.S.S. Thank you David Crowder Band for the use of their title,"Everybody
wants to go to heaven, But nobody wants to die."
P.S.S.S. Here's a link to a song to listen to while reading....God Bless!https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8iE6koFfXSk
                                                                   

I Believe in You. Do You Believe in Me?

                               

                                              Concerts have an effect on me I've never been able to place. The electricity of a live show makes my skin tingle and my bones rattle with anticipation. Few bands have deeply affected me the way a little known Irish band known as U2 have. One show in particular really made me question God's personality and thoughts. Bear with me, I know this sound ludicrous but I'm getting to the point. In the bridge of their song entitled,"Elevation", Bono said the usual lyrics I have come to recite and sing in the shower many mornings. He said," Won't you tell me something true? I believe in you." That in itself doesn't sound profound or extraordinary in anyway at all, but there was a question asked after the statement,"I believe in you", that really turned my thinking upside down. He asked,"DO YOU BELIEVE IN ME?"                                                    
                                           I think a reasonable place to begin wrestling with this question is the story of the prodigal son. A father has two sons; the older son stays with the father all his life and remains obedient. His younger son made the choice early on to rebel against everything his father/older sibling stood for. He chose instead to squander his inheritance (before his father's passing) on  living fast and having good times. After a period of time he runs out of money. He finds himself alone and soon he has to work as a servant to survive. He soon realizes he can return home and become a servant to his family. In his mind he believed he was beyond redemption or reconciliation. He was lower than any servant could go, and he was out of reach of the love of his father. If you know the story of the prodigal son you know that the younger son wasn't beyond the vast love of his father. When the younger son returned his father was so overjoyed he couldn't wait for his return any longer. He chose to run to his son, arms opened wide, ready to hold his child in his arms. He threw a celebration, killing his fattest calf to feed the festivities, and gave his son a ring. The father in this parable is a perfect image of God's love for his wayward son. The father always hoped, and longed for his son to come home, and finally his baby boy arrived. The young man was shocked from the actions of his father. He came home in the hopes that they may allow him to be a lowly servant, but his father accepted him as if he had never left. This is to say that no matter where you have found yourself, or what monster you see in the mirror, God is ready and more than willing to hold you and love you beyond our comprehension.

                           I fully believe God (the father) is hoping for us to come home. Not having hope in the human we are, but what we can become through him, and him alone. God knows that our flesh and heart will fail (Psalm 73:26); but he sent his son so that we may have life, and life more abundantly (John 10:10.) So in closing, The answer to the question,"Do you believe in me?" Is simply Yes. But not for who you are, but what you may become through his abundant love, and endless Grace. (Romans 5:20-21)


P.S. Here is a link to the video of U2's Performance.-https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-naNHfMr4nM
P.S.S.Follow the blog on twitter @learninhowtodie.

Learnin' How To Die (An Introduction)

I remember driving in my car,beard blowing in the humid summer wind, when this song's turn came up to play on my Iphone. Its a song by the lovely Jon Foreman, and I have heard it before. But this time was different. The song's title is simple, yet it contains the essential ingredient in every Christian's daily life.  The song's title is,"Learning How To Die."
  
                                      I completely agree that every piece of music and literature is open to scrutiny and interpretation; This blog is a result of my interpretation of the title and the lyric content of the piece of music arranged by Mr. Foreman. The revelation I had was that anyone in this world can learn to live. But what is living? I see living as being a zombie. Breathing in oxygen as a lifeless, bland being. Listening and watching the latest and greatest in entertainment and news. Living is a dull thing to think about when you realize you do it for the remainder of you're 80+ years on earth, but what God proposed is so radical, it goes against everything on earth.
                           
                                     Jesus says ,"For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel's will save it." (Mark 8:35) Here Jesus is calling us to let go. He is pleading with us to lose everything that you have been taught by this world to do. To sacrifice (or even Crucify) your worldly self. Paul goes on to say," And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.(Galatians 5:24) As Christians, this is a daily practice and prayer that will transform everything about you.

                                   This Blog is here the sole purpose and teaching people how to die. I am (as the song title suggest), still learning how to die myself. I, and you will fail at this daily. But the defeat isn't when you fail, but it occurs when you quit struggling. When you finally let your flesh give into its instinct, and its desires. So there it is, my introduction to my first Blog. Come along for the journey God has called us to embark on daily.