Ungodly Monsters

           
                        "Proximity to power deludes some into thinking they wield it."
                                                                             -Francis Underwood (House of Cards)                                                                                                                                                                          
     Have you ever felt far from God? Overwhelmed by guilt and a sense of separation. On the other hand, have you felt closer to God? You felt in tune with God's radio station and obedient to every letter of scripture. One day you're on the highest mountain and the next you're in the darkest valley. This is the picture I had of church. Either you're a spotless Christian or a sinning "back-slider." This is the way of thinking that has left me beaten and broken more times that I care to admit.  How much sin would it take to go from Christian to "back-slider?"  Could an abundant amount of failure separate me from God forever? Is it really "Once save, always saved?" These questions rocked me to my core.

"Back-slider" is a term popularized by mainstream Christian folk. The definition pertained to the state of one's relationship with Jesus. It operates under the assumption that you are sliding away something rather than towards something. It means that you were moving closer to God, but now you're moving away from him. This is a demeaning term used to describe people who have experienced failure. It may have been the child out of wedlock or the porn addiction. In either one of these situations, it's not the failure that determines the state of you're relationship with God. The factor that determines the state of the relationship is the need to struggle. The need to carry on with the relationship despite your failure. The struggle separates the defeated from the victorious. I've found this train of thought to be revolutionary to my relationship with Jesus. The truth that the validity of my relationship with Jesus didn't rest on my failure, but his victory. I can beat myself up daily or I can rest assured that his Grace is more than the sum of my failure. Therefore, I don't believe that the term "Back-slider" is an adequate way to describe the abundance of someone's failures.

Have you ever been labelled a sinner? An ungodly monster or even an infidel? All of these can be used to describe the human race. Whether you are part of a church or never stepped foot into a congregation. If someone has ever said that their not a sinner then they are making God out to be a liar. Everyone under the sun has sinned and having faith in Jesus can't change that. Even after entering into a relationship with Jesus you will still sin daily. Therefore, our feeble attempts to live according to God's word  have to be met with God's Grace. God's grace is made perfect in our weakness. God knows that we are weak, that's why he sent Jesus. Jesus came to make a way for sinners like me to enter into a relationship with God. I can try all I want to live according to God's word, but the only thing that allows me to go to heaven is Jesus.

Lack of sin or godly living won't matter without Jesus. Jesus is the only reason we get to walk with God. "Back-sliders" and sinners will inherit God's kingdom through Jesus. You can live your life as a Pharisee in private or a sinner out in the open. Either way you choose won't change the fact that as humans we fail. Whether you hide it or not, everyone is united by this. Labelling people outside of your belief system won't exempt you from the same judgement they will face one day.  It only serves as a grisly reminder that the reason that so many churches lose people is themselves.

Ecotone

                                   



                                         Ecotone  - an area of transition between two biomes.                                              

                            Death is so final.  Whenever someone dies we always think back to the last time that you spoke to them. You wish you had visited more and you wish you were allowed more time. We live in a fantasy world sometimes. We always say to ourselves that tomorrow will be another opportunity to spend time with a family member or friend. What if tomorrow never arrives? No more stories of the "good ol' days." No more time to hear their voice or hear their laugh. In these times or pain we tend to reflect on own life and how we spend our time. In this year alone I have lost my grandmother, followed  soon after by my grandfather. Both of these people have had a positive influence despite their enormous differences.                                                                                                                                                    

                         When I ponder the last time a saw my grandfather alive I think of one statement that he uttered. It saddened me and made me reflect on my own life. "Why am I in so much pain? I thought that I've lived a good life." I didn't know how to respond to such a question. Now that he is gone I am left to ponder this statement until I am dead. Why would God allow him to suffer in his final days on earth? I'm not expressing my anger towards God, I'm simply stating that I have no concrete way to answer it. I don't know why God would allow him to suffer through so much pain. All that I know for sure is that God's understanding of this world surpasses my comprehension. I have to take hold of the promise that God's will is perfect and just.                                                                                            

                             When someone passes away there are many things people say to comfort you. "I'm praying for you." "If you need anything just call me." In times of deep pain and loss these statements are meant to comfort the person in the midst of loss. I appreciate anyone who takes time to actively try to comfort me in this difficult time. It serves of a reminder of the family and friends I'm surrounded with. In times like this I find that it helps to be around close friends and family, if only to reflect the past and ponder the future. I know that death has always made me wonder what's next for me. God alone knows the amount of time I have left. The only thing I have control of is what the dash on my tombstone represents.  How did I spend this space in between these dates? I can only hope for enough time to love and laugh for years to come.                                                                                                                                    

                               The last time I saw my grandmother alive she was barely breathing on a bed inside a hospice facility. As soon as I walked in she stepped out. I saw her a few moments before she passed and she seemed to be at peace. Surrounded by her loved ones and being comforted by a caring staff of nurses. I don't believe she suffered, but I do know that I did. She was the kindest soul I have ever met. Each visit always beginning and ending with a hug and a goodbye. I felt that no matter how old she got she looked forward to what lied ahead. I was recently sitting down for dinner at my grandmothers house (AD) and my wife pointed out something peculiar.  My grandmother's calendar was still placed in the month of February. She passed away on febuary 27th, just shy of March. The lesson I have learned by this is that sometimes we get bogged down in the monotony of life. We are quick to assume that we will be alive the next day or month to "flip the calendar over." We truly never know when our river of hours will run dry.                                                                                                          
                                       An ecotone is what I believe earth to be. A transitional phase between two stages of life. Birth and death  serve as mere milestones to a never ending story.  In the midst of pain we have to cling to the truth that this is momentary. We're only here for a short time compared to forever. When we realize that the people we have lost didn't die it's a little easier to make sense of it all. They didn't die an eternal death, they simply crossed from the ecotone to their final destination. When we think of their deaths, it's a call to a carpe diem mindset. As Andy from the Shawshank Redemption puts it, "Get busy living or get busy dying."

Porn-Again Christian

        I cannot recall the first moment I entered the world of pornography. A world where every girl wanted you and obeyed your every command. The rush to my brain was like a shot of heroine through my veins. Every click on the computer mouse drove me deeper into counterfeit ecstasy. For a long time I felt as though I was the only man who has struggled with porn. What I discovered is that not only was I not the only man, but millions of men (and women) are addicted to porn across the country. Ten billion is spent on pornography yearly in America. That's more than the combined revenue of pro football, basketball and baseball combined. It isn't just in the "secular" community either. Five out of ten men in church admit to struggling with porn. I'll be the first to admit that porn isn't the easiest topic to discuss. Talking about porn will blush cheeks and make conservatives squirm. Even though It's tough, I believe it's a secret that needs to be brought from your computer room and into the light.

                   What is porn? I believe that Porn and can be defined along with the definition of lust. Anything that triggers a sexual desire. An image doesn't have to contain nudity to be porn. There isn't a difference between soft core and hardcore porn in the realm of lust. Anything that causes you to fantasize anything sexual is porn. From playboy to sports illustrated. Even movies, music videos and TV shows that cause you to think impure thoughts. There isn't a "better" version of porn to watch. It's all equally degrading to women and damaging to a persons mind. Porn is an inescapable cornerstone of society. From youth you are told that porn is a part of "growing up."  And to a certain extent they are right. Everyone at one point or another has struggled with porn. Whether its a book that causes to struggle or a magazine article. It all can be labelled porn if it causes you to stumble. What we see in porn is a highly stylized veil that hides an awful truth.

                 When we watch porn, we are seeing what the camera wants us to see. The sad truth is what we're not seeing. Stories of women abused, raped and enslaved fill the news. Sex trafficking is on the rise and porn is to thank. Women will wear a smile for the camera and hide the true nature of their situation. This is the reason that porn is so addictive. Women of porn are always ready and willing to "fulfil" your every need. No need for romance or true love. Women are portrayed as pounds of flesh with the sole purpose of sexual gratification. They are devoid of value and purpose. They are alive only to please your whims. This is an extremely volatile property of porn. You can be a God and rule over these women. They will never say no. And no matter how hard you try to quit porn on your own, neither can you. Accountability and community are curse words in the world of porn.  "Keep your Dirty Little Secret to yourselves. Put on a smile at church and act like you have it all together." This mindset is a cancer that will eat you from within. Transparency is essential to victory in this area. This is ultimately a battle for your soul.

                   This battle can be found in the Story of Hosea and Gomer. It helps paint the picture of our struggle from the view of God. God tells Hosea to marry a prostitute and he obeys. She runs away countless times and even has to be purchased back at one point. This is the picture we paint when we indulge in our addictions. We play the prostitute giving ourselves away.  We wander away from God's purpose for us when we sit behind our computer. In the end we had to be purchased back in Jesus' blood. (1 Corinthians 6:20) Jesus didn't die for us to spend our days invested into porn with our pants around our ankles. He died for us to have a real relationship with God and for us to have real relationships with people. Porn isn't an interactive industry. They allow you to have an imaginary encounters with the promise of satisfaction. They only provide instant gratification with a momentary sense of fulfilment. Porn is just another plug for the God-shaped hole in your heart.

               This post is a call to action. We need to start living out in the open. Real relationships may be harder than porn but they are infinitely more satisfying. This is God's true purpose for our lives. Loving Him and loving people. Don't rely on your own will power to beat your addiction. Instead, rely on God's river of Grace and accountability. This will undoubtedly be one of the most difficult processes in your life. Its not the struggle that is the issue, its when you stop struggling. We have to choose who we will serve. Ourselves in the world of porn, or face the reality of serving a real God. Which master will you serve?

P.S. www.xxxchurch.com is a great website with endless resources.
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